Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Musings from a Recovering Worrywart


Unless you knew me when I was very a young girl, you might be surprised to learn I was quite the worrier. My mother used to say, “You’re such a Worrywart, Rita.” And the tag fit. I was a worrywart. I did tend to dwell unduly on perceived difficulties in my life that developed a pattern (habitude) of troubled emotions and thought patterns.

Then one day I saw a book on my mother’s nightstand entitled Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. The book was a gift to her from her sister Vera. My Aunt Vera was a beloved, albeit feisty, woman ahead of her times. She lived in Hollywood, CA and she was always sending Mom books, articles, and such on personal development. (To this day I carry in my handbag the miniature, red leather copy of As A Man Thinketh by James Allen that she gave my mom back in 1968.) 

I devoured Maltz’s book in a matter of days. It seemed that with the turn of each page my mind opened and expanded to a new way of thinking about myself and how I move through the world. By the time I was done, it was crystal clear to me that my thinking truly did affect the outcome of my life.

Now I was about 13 years old when I read that transformative book. Being a voracious reader, I went to the library and began what became my lifelong journey to understand the cycle of how thoughts effect emotions and thus behavior. I gobbled up the writings of untold thinkers, beginning with the Ancient Greek philosophers up to modern-day thought leaders, all of whom had (and have) a very similar message: You are what you think about all day long.

My being a worrywart hasn’t truly dissipated. It is a pattern (neuro-circuitry) of thinking and reacting (habitude) that formed when I was quite young. When times get tough, when something is troubling me, I can feel that old worrywart downward spiral begin. However, what I now do is I recognize the habitude sooner and I put into motion the various strategies I’ve developed for myself to slow down the activity in my mind.

As I said, these habitudes took root and deepened and strengthened at an early. Those of you who have heard me speak, have come to one of my workshops, have heard me share my story of some of the events in my life that shaped my initial belief system.

Worrywarts habitually travel down a dark, long, narrow road replete with obstacles such as fear, all-or-nothing thinking, and other cognitive distortions. Yet, what I know is this. We can change our lives by changing our thinking. We can change our outcomes by exploring those habitudes that don't serve us and by be willing to do the work to strengthen the habitudes that do serve us and create more positive thought patterns.

We can travel a different road, enlightened by understanding and widened by a willingness and desire to explore the realm of possibilities. You can change your thinking, change your patterns, and change your life. I know this because I did.
~ Rita

PS Want to learn more about changing your Habitudes? VIsit my website: http://www.ritaschiano.com/item/Change-Your-Habitudes-2-0/311/c73

Monday, January 29, 2018

Are You Feeling Challenged By Obstacles?

Are you feeling challenged by obstacles? Are you clear as to what that "thing" is that is preventing or hindering your progress?

I view any obstacle that gets in my way as an opportunity to learn something new. It's not always an easy lesson. And sometimes the learning of the lesson takes time, patience, and reflection.

Changing the way we think about obstacles effects our success rate for as the Zen Buddhists say, "The obstacle is the path." To begin, we have to identify the type and source of the obstacle. Ask yourself: Do you view the obstacle metaphorically as a pebble, a rock, or a boulder? Is it external or internal?

External obstacles are those things outside of your control, such as environment, money, physical limitations. Yet, because they are external does not mean you should give up. What is always in your control is how you choose to respond (cognitively) not react (emotionally) to the challenge.

Internal obstacles are things such as fear, self-doubt, and what I call your Habitudes -- Patterns of thought and behavior affecting our attitudes towards life; habitual ways of thinking and acting that may or may not serve you.

Our beliefs and thoughts about a situation affect our reaction to it. The way we think about things can actually give things more meaning than they actually deserve. By giving meaning to things, we give them power in our lives. That's why I asked you to think metaphorically about the obstacle. What is its size? How easily, based on that size - pebble, rock, boulder -- can you remove it from your pathway?

"Obstacles don't have to stop you," said Michael Jordan. "If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Thursday, August 10, 2017

When One Door Closes . . .

This has been a different summer for me. While many people's businesses see a winding down over the summer, I have not had that experience -- until this year, that is. You see, I had been planning to spend July in Hawaii and so other than teaching an online course, I did not make any efforts to book speaking engagements this summer. But as can sometimes happen, life threw us a curveball and the door on our Hawaii vacation slammed shut.

Now what? I wondered, "What am I going to do with all this free time on my hands?"

Yes, I had a few coaching clients who were glad to know I was going to be available for in-person sessions. Yet, I still had a lot of unbooked time, and I like being busy.

Then on June 29, I had coffee with my friend Chris Tieri, founder and president of Idea Agency. During our conversation, we got on the topic of getting done things we had been thinking about doing. I shared that I had been thinking about developing online courses based on programs I offer. Chris shared she had been thinking about writing a book. As I drove home from our get together, I started thinking about all the things I, or others have said, that they wanted to do, but were not getting done.

Two days later while in Syracuse, NY for a memorial service, I got together with my cousin Anne. I told her that I was serious thinking about developing online courses on Time Management, Resilience, and so forth. She was quite encouraging. Anne founded eKamria, a web development company, and so she had a lot of thoughts to share with me about online courses.

And then another, very different door opened. Literally. While sitting in the kitchen talking with Anne, my cousins Tony and Stephanie entered. They live in Georgia and we had not seen one another in twenty years. Long story short, they had purchased the family camp on Lake Oneida and were in town to check on the renovations. They were planning to be back in July for three weeks and wanted me to come up for a few days.

"Our kids we be there; Mary's coming in from Texas and Jamie will be around, too. You have to plan to come back."

Well, I certainly had the time to do so, and 6 weeks later I did just that. We found a hotel within 6 miles of the camp. Spent two days and evenings with family I hadn'€™t seen in decades, met many of their children for the very first time. We had a ball!

Anne came out both days too. While sitting by the lake, she asked about my plans for the online courses.

"Up and running," I said. She looked astonished. "Yup, after our talk back on June 1, I went home and researched online platforms. Settled on Thinkific, and launched the Time Management course two nights ago."

"Not only that," I told her, "I storyboarded the next online class, Resilience: The Key to Retirement Well-being and," I added proudly, "I scheduled the next Change Your Habitudes, Change Your Life workshop for October 28."

Anne was, to say the least impressed with all I had accomplished in the 6 weeks since our late night talk around the kitchen table.

"And," I said, "I am planning to launch another onground, six-week program called, Get It Done! It's for serious-minded people who have something they've always talked about doing, and now want to get it done."

Like the saying goes, "When one door closes, another one opens" and here'€™s the proof. The door on my long-awaited vacation in Hawaii may have slammed shut, but many opportunities opened -- spending time with family in New York, developing and putting into place two online courses, developing the Get It Done! 6-week program and scheduling the next Change Your Habitudes, Change Your Life workshop for October 28.

And it's only August 9. Plenty of summertime left!