Giving and Receiving With Grace

The practice of giving is thought to be one of the most basic human virtues, a testament to the depth of our humanity, and for Buddhists, one's capacity for self-transcendence. Author Karen Armstrong makes the observation that the concept of self-transcendence is bound up with the golden rule: "Treating others as you yourself would like to be treated." When we transcend our limited self, this rule becomes an inherent part of our own nature, and other people an extended part of our own reality. For this reason, learning to receive is equally vital.

When we say, "Please don't get me anything... I don't want or need anything" -- while that may be intrinsically true, or we don't wish to burden someone who is stretching an already tight budget, we are essentially shutting that person out. Giving creates a relationship between the giver and receiver. Giving is a way people participate in our lives, a way people honor us. And when we say no, we deny them the opportunity to do so. Generosity, both in giving and receiving, opens the heart. We must learn to accept gratefully.

When we are grateful we experience grace. The words "gratitude" and "grace" share a common Latin origin -- gratus, meaning "pleasing" or "thankful." When you are in a deep state of gratitude, you may feel the presence of grace. Reflect on this. As we become more mindful of the present moment, we begin to recognize the things around us that we may have taken for granted.

Psychological research finds that people's happiness levels are remarkably stable over the long-term. A possible explanation comes from studies in the psychology of gratitude. Yes, you read that correctly -- being thankful just may be the secret to happiness. One study found that people who were in the gratitude condition felt fully 25% happier -- they were more optimistic about the future; they felt better about their lives.

Learning to practice gratitude is one of life's most valuable lessons. As Aristotle taught us, all virtues have value and the virtue of gratitude helps to increase feelings of satisfaction with our lives and keeps us from falling into the excess of a greedy or entitled frame of mind.

There are many simple, yet powerful ways to practice gratitude on a daily basis:

•  Thank, separately, both the cashier and the bagger at the grocery store.
•  Send a hand-written "thank you" note when you receive a gift, however small.
•  Make "thank you" a common phrase in your vocabulary.
•  Give someone a heartfelt compliment.
•  Keep a gratitude journal. Each night write one to three things for which you were grateful during the day.

Developing a regular habit of being grateful is a discipline well worth the effort. As Cicero wrote: "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others."

Habitual Behavior

To live a flourishing life you begin by uncovering habits that affect how you think and act. Many habits operate without your conscious awareness. Changing habits begins with recognition, followed by mindful awareness and intention to adjust your thoughts and behaviors until they become habits that serve you.

Aristotle proclaimed that there are two times in our lives when our character is shaped. The first is when we are children. At this time our habits and attitudes were shaped by our parents and our early teachers who taught us the best they knew how based on what they learned. These early attitude and habit formations were central to our character development; and sometimes those lessons were negative.

For Aristotle, a habit or hexis is a determinate power to act in a specific way. Habits can foster the good life by cultivating virtue and by developing the passions to feel pleasure and pain in right ways. Happiness is the "chief good" of human life and the most basic requirement of such a life is "activity of the soul in accordance with complete excellence." (Book I, Nichomachean Ethics)

To adapt habits that make you flourish, you must learn how to manage and maintain balance in your life. You need to look at your past experiences and examine how you were able to successfully change some of your patterns of behavior or attitudes.

Changing habitual behavior is a process. Be patient and be compassionate with yourself. Each of us creates our own journey of releasing bad habits and adopting good habits through conscious choice. Embrace those choices; embrace the changes. They are the catalysts that will improve your life.

Have a joyful day everyone. And remember to live a flourishing life.
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

To learn more about how you can live a flourishing life, please visit my web site, www.liveaflourishinglife.com.

*Excerpt from Live A Flourishing Life

Thoughts of Resilience - Part Three

We all need reminders of the strengths we have. And we can cultivate resilience by embracing these three directives: by knowing what you have, by knowing who you are, and by knowing what you are capable of doing.

• What You Have: strong relationships and connections to others, structure and discipline, dedication and desire, role models and mentors 
• Who You Are: a person who embraces that Holy Grail of attitudes – optimism, who has hope and faith, who cares about others, and who is proud of oneself 
• What You Are Capable of Doing: communicating your needs and desires, being flexible in your thinking, critical and creative in solving problems, demonstrates genuine empathy and good emotional intelligence, fosters good relationships 

Here are a seven tips to learn how you can become more resilient and overcome life's big disappointments:

1. Avoid seeing crises or setbacks as insurmountable problems. Crises, setbacks, failure happens to everyone. And while at times you may never understand what happened, you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Look for that valuable negative information that you guide you to greater understanding and better outcomes in the future. 
2. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience. 
3. Be patient and self-reflective. 
4. Know what you want. If you have goals, it's easier to make plans and move forward. Remember Yogi Berra: If you don’t know where you’re going, you just might end up somewhere else. 
5. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. Adversity offers one of the best ways we can learn something about ourselves. 
6. Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed and focus instead on circumstances that you can alter. 
7. Take risks. Be courageous. 

As Aristotle said: Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees the others. Courage without a clear sense of one’s own abilities is foolhardy. Courage without good judgment is blind. It is taking risks without knowing what is worth the risk. Courage without perseverance is short-lived.

It is possible to bounce back from adversity and go on to live a healthy, fulfilling life. And resilience, I believe, just may be the ultimate path to living a flourishing life.

Have a joyful day everyone...
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Thoughts on Resilience - Part Two

Each of us has a considerable capacity for strength. And while sometimes it is easier to embrace being a victim of circumstances, that role removes the obligation to change. Resilient people do not let adversity define them. Instead, they rise above adversity—poverty, abuse, neglect violence, molestation or war—and forge a stronger, more durable character.

Resilience is the means by which we are not immobilized by hardship, but rather bounce back from it stronger, determined, empowered, and able to lead gratifying, flourishing lives.

The greatest weapon in our arsenal is our ability to choose one thought over another. But our choices must be wise. So how can you tell if you are making bad choices? To often we get caught in the ‘Different set of circumstance, different situation, same old crappy outcome’ trap, when we are ensnared by the habits that do not serve us. To begin to make better choices it is necessary to go back and examine and reflect on past events in order to find the strengths you have within.

Many psychologists today preach that it's not really until adulthood that people begin to surmount the difficulties of childhood and to rebuild their lives. But let’s set the record straight. That concept goes back more than 2300 years … back to Aristotle.

In the Nichomachean Ethics, Aristotle writes that there are two times in our lives when our character is shaped. The first is when we are children. At this time our habits and attitudes are shaped by our parents and our early teachers, who taught us the best they knew how based on what they learned. While these early rules and habit formations were central to our character development, sometimes these lessons were negative.

Our adult conception of the world, however, comes from within and is self-directed. Thus, Aristotle states, we need to look back at those early lessons, those habits we developed, and determine if they serve us or if they are habits that do not serve us. And then we must ask ourselves, “Is this the kind of person I want to be?”

Have a joyful day everyone...
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Just because everything is different...

"Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed." ~ Irene Peter

You know the scenario...You're in a job or a relationship where you are not happy, and so you leave. Then you take on a new job, fall head over heels into a new relationship, then at some point in the not so distant future, you find you are unhappy and you are looking to make (yet another) change.

Why does this happen? We have not changed core behaviors and beliefs, and so we keep approaching the different situations with the same behaviors. To successfully reach new and better outcomes we must be committed to the change process. Change is not easy; old habits die hard. Change is especially hard when a behavior or attitude is longstanding. Change requires:

• thinking differently
• acting differently
• commitment

Changing habits begins with recognition, followed by mindful awareness and intention to adjust your thoughts and behaviors until they become habits that serve you.

To adapt habits that make you flourish, you must learn how to manage and maintain balance in your life. You need to look at your past experiences and examine how you were able to successfully change some of your patterns of behavior or attitudes.

Changing habitual behavior is a process. Be patient and be compassionate with yourself. Each of us creates our own journey of releasing bad habits and adopting good habits through conscious choice. Embrace those choices; embrace the changes. They are the catalysts that will improve your life.

Have a joyful day everyone. And remember to live a flourishing life.
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

To learn more about how you can live a flourishing life, please visit my web site, www.liveaflourishinglife.com.

Habits...

Aristotle proclaimed that there are two times in our lives when our character is shaped. The first is when we are children. At this time our habits and attitudes were shaped by our parents and our early teachers who taught us the best they knew how based on what they learned. These early attitude and habit formations were central to our character development; and sometimes those lessons were negative.

For Aristotle, a habit or hexis is a determinate power to act in a specific way. Habits can foster the good life by cultivating virtue and by developing the passions to feel pleasure and pain in right ways. Happiness is the "chief good" of human life and the most basic requirement of such a life is "activity of the soul in accordance with complete excellence." (Book I, Nichomachean Ethics)

To live a flourishing life you begin by uncovering habits that affect how you think and act. Many habits operate without your conscious awareness. Changing habits begins with recognition, followed by mindful awareness and intention to adjust your thoughts and behaviors until they become habits that serve you.

To adapt habits that make you flourish, you must learn how to manage and maintain balance in your life. You need to look at your past experiences and examine how you were able to successfully change some of your patterns of behavior or attitudes.

Changing habitual behavior is a process. Be patient and be compassionate with yourself. Each of us creates our own journey of releasing bad habits and adopting good habits through conscious choice. Embrace those choices; embrace the changes. They are the catalysts that will improve your life.

Have a joyful day everyone. And remember to live a flourishing life.
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

To learn more about how you can live a flourishing life, please visit my web site, www.liveaflourishinglife.com.

*Excerpt from Live A Flourishing Life