ShortThoughts© : You Determine The Outcome - Part 2

You Determine The Outcome of Your Life: Part 1

Five Dimensions of Leadership

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind." ~ William James

When I present leadership program, I often reference information from studies on leadership conducted by McKinsey & Company. While the 5 dimensions discussed below focus on leadership in the workplace, I do think they are quite valuable in how we live our lives in general. Here are some highlights from the article How Centered Leaders Achieve Extraordinary Results.*

McKinsey & Company's Centered Leadership Program distilled a leadership model that is comprised of five interrelated dimensions. This 5-dimensional model is useful for helping people realize their full potential and to maximize the most of your team and process. As the name implies, it’s about having a well of physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual strength that drives personal achievement and, in turn, inspires others to follow.
Centered leadership emphasizes the role of positive emotions.

Meaning or finding your strengths and putting them to work in the service of an inspiring purpose. Meaning is the motivation that moves us. It translates into greater job satisfaction, higher productivity, lower turnover, and increased loyalty.

Managing energy or knowing where your energy comes from, where it goes, and what you can do to manage it. This is where doing the first leadership element -- self-awareness -- can help you identify the conditions and situations that replenish your energy and those that sap it.

Positive framing or adopting a more constructive way to view your world, expand your horizons, and gain the resilience to move ahead even during conflict and crises.

Connecting or identifying who can help you grow, building stronger relationships, and increasing your sense -- and your team’s sense -- of belonging.

Engaging or finding your voice, becoming self-reliant and confident by accepting opportunities and the inherent risks they bring, and collaborating with others.

Reference:
Barsh, J., Mogelof, J. & Webb, C. How Centered Leaders Achieve Extraordinary Results. Retrieved from https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/leadership/how-centered-leaders-achieve-extraordinary-results

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When One Door Closes . . .

This has been a different summer for me. While many people's businesses see a winding down over the summer, I have not had that experience -- until this year, that is. You see, I had been planning to spend July in Hawaii and so other than teaching an online course, I did not make any efforts to book speaking engagements this summer. But as can sometimes happen, life threw us a curveball and the door on our Hawaii vacation slammed shut.

Now what? I wondered, "What am I going to do with all this free time on my hands?"

Yes, I had a few coaching clients who were glad to know I was going to be available for in-person sessions. Yet, I still had a lot of unbooked time, and I like being busy.

Then on June 29, I had coffee with my friend Chris Tieri, founder and president of Idea Agency. During our conversation, we got on the topic of getting done things we had been thinking about doing. I shared that I had been thinking about developing online courses based on programs I offer. Chris shared she had been thinking about writing a book. As I drove home from our get together, I started thinking about all the things I, or others have said, that they wanted to do, but were not getting done.

Two days later while in Syracuse, NY for a memorial service, I got together with my cousin Anne. I told her that I was serious thinking about developing online courses on Time Management, Resilience, and so forth. She was quite encouraging. Anne founded eKamria, a web development company, and so she had a lot of thoughts to share with me about online courses.

And then another, very different door opened. Literally. While sitting in the kitchen talking with Anne, my cousins Tony and Stephanie entered. They live in Georgia and we had not seen one another in twenty years. Long story short, they had purchased the family camp on Lake Oneida and were in town to check on the renovations. They were planning to be back in July for three weeks and wanted me to come up for a few days.

"Our kids we be there; Mary's coming in from Texas and Jamie will be around, too. You have to plan to come back."

Well, I certainly had the time to do so, and 6 weeks later I did just that. We found a hotel within 6 miles of the camp. Spent two days and evenings with family I hadn'€™t seen in decades, met many of their children for the very first time. We had a ball!

Anne came out both days too. While sitting by the lake, she asked about my plans for the online courses.

"Up and running," I said. She looked astonished. "Yup, after our talk back on June 1, I went home and researched online platforms. Settled on Thinkific, and launched the Time Management course two nights ago."

"Not only that," I told her, "I storyboarded the next online class, Resilience: The Key to Retirement Well-being and," I added proudly, "I scheduled the next Change Your Habitudes, Change Your Life workshop for October 28."

Anne was, to say the least impressed with all I had accomplished in the 6 weeks since our late night talk around the kitchen table.

"And," I said, "I am planning to launch another onground, six-week program called, Get It Done! It's for serious-minded people who have something they've always talked about doing, and now want to get it done."

Like the saying goes, "When one door closes, another one opens" and here'€™s the proof. The door on my long-awaited vacation in Hawaii may have slammed shut, but many opportunities opened -- spending time with family in New York, developing and putting into place two online courses, developing the Get It Done! 6-week program and scheduling the next Change Your Habitudes, Change Your Life workshop for October 28.

And it's only August 9. Plenty of summertime left!

Breaking the "Same Old Crappy Outcome" Cycle Presented by Rita Schiano

Connectedness To Others ~ Presented by Rita Schiano

You Determine The Outcome of Your Life

I am going to share with you seven words that are your guide to living a flourishing life. I suggest that you write these seven words as a NOTE TO SELF. Commit these words to memory, tattoo them on your arm if you have to. Do whatever you have to do to commit to memory these seven words to memory.

Are you ready?

"I determine the outcome of my life." Repeat them with me. "I determine the outcome of my life. I determine the outcome of my life."

That’s right. You determine the outcome of your life by the choices you make, by the actions you take, by the decisions and actions you are afraid to make and to take. You determine the outcome of your life.

Your concept of yourself determines the world in which you live. Your concept of yourself determines your reactions and responses to life. How you define yourself – I am ill … I am broke …I am successful – shapes your consciousness. Your concept of yourself is what you accept as true. Your outward world – what you own, how you present yourself – is a manifestation of your inward thought. How we react to our inward expression -- to people, to situations -- reveals where we are psychologically – emotionally and cognitively. And where we are psychologically, determines where we are outwardly.

To be successful in business, a company needs to know where it is heading and what it is trying to accomplish. That’s why many businesses create a vision statement: what the company would like to achieve or accomplish; and a mission statement: how they intend to get there.

To be successful in life, we need to take this same approach in shaping the direction of our personal lives. Your personal vision statement should focus on the potential inherent in the your future, what you intend to be. And while a vision statement might contain references as to how you intend to make that future a reality, the “how” is actually part of your mission statement, a summary of values and goals that clearly outline who you are and what you want to do.

Personal improvement requires insight and courage. When we don't have a vision for the future, we will not necessarily fail, but more likely, we will merely survive rather than thrive, than flourish. Without a vision for the future we stand less of a chance of growing, of expanding, and improving because we have no clear idea of what direction or form this growth, expansion, or improvement should take.

Every action you take is influenced by your attitude towards it. And when your actions and thoughts are not in sync, your life experiences are imbalanced. Just like our bodies thrive in homeostasis --- balance – so do our thoughts and our emotions.

Whatever it is you want to achieve, in your person life, in your professional life, set your intention to achieve it. Make this a habit that serves you.

Set your vision, your imagination, on what it is you want. Imagination is our greatest gift. “Imagination is more important than knowledge.” (Einstein) Imagination fuels our thoughts; action makes our thoughts soar. Imagination is the medium through which we create our world. So I ask you: What do you imagine for yourself?

Once you determine want it is you want, devise a course of action, and then take step forward each day, and none back.

Set goals. Goals keep us focused on our message and mission, keep us disciplined in our actions, and help us achieve what we want in life. Goals help us to flourish.

Who is supporting you in your pursuit of your goals? Share your vision with a trusted friend or colleague. Ask them to keep you accountable to the task.

Focus on hope. Let go of “doom and gloom” thinking. Don’t fear change. Change is an invaluable opportunity to learn and to grow. Neville Goddard wrote: “All transformation begins with an intense, burning desire to be transformed.” Direct your thinking. Be open to change. Let go of fearful thinking and attitudes.

Learn to manage your emotions before they manage you. If you want a better outcome, you have to take clear-sighted action. Don’t become a victim of complacency. Remember: You lose 100% of the opportunities you do not take. And if you risk nothing, you risk everything.

You have the power to change your life. You can evolve or devolve -- the choice is yours. So, step out of your comfort zone. Do one thing differently each day. Fall in love with your life. Passion fuels joyful living.

Lastly, make it a practice each day, before you get out of bed, to set your intention for the day. This practice leads to more purposeful living.

You can live fearlessly. Choose to do so.

ShortThoughts© : You Determine The Outcome - Part 2

You Determine The Outcome of Your Life: Part 1

More on Resilience . . .

Resilience is that quality, that ability that enables some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than before. Rather than allowing crises or failure to drain their resolve, they tapped a reservoir of determination that allows them to rise up strong and resolute.

There are several factors that make someone resilient: an attitude of optimism and hope, the ability to manage strong emotions, and the ability to see failure as valuable negative information.

Let’s talk about that F word for a moment. Failure stirs up potent social emotions: humiliation, guilt, shame. Yet, Failure is, at worst, a mixed blessing: It hurts, yet, failure can pay off in the form of learning, growth, and wisdom.

Learning is error-driven. Nothing ever invented was created right the first time. I recall hearing the story of Robert Goddard, a physics instructor at Clark University constructed and tested the first liquid fuel rocket in Auburn, Massachusetts, in March of 1926. The rocket flew to an altitude of 41 ft and landed 184 ft away, crashing into the snow. The flight lasted 2.5 seconds. Although the experiment was primitive, the flight was epochal, setting the stage for era of space exploration that’s part and parcel of our history. The local paper picked up the story and dismissed its importance with a headline that said "Moon Rocket Misses Target by 238,799 1/2 Miles!" The lesson here is that for Goddard, experimental failures were ‘valuable negative information’.

Some psychologists argue that adversity, setbacks, and even trauma may actually be necessary for people to be happy, successful, and fulfilled. There’s even a term for it: "Post-traumatic growth." To support this they point to successful people such as Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey – folks who credit their accomplishments to earlier failures and childhood traumas that pushed them to the edge of the abyss. Nietzsche: “When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.”

Setbacks actually force us to take risks, to learn, and to grow. Failure is an opportunity to change course. We must learn to seize it, rather than be seized by it.

Each of us has a considerable capacity for strength. And while sometimes it is easier to embrace being a victim of circumstances, that role removes the obligation to change. Resilient people do not let adversity define them. Instead, they rise above adversity—poverty, abuse, neglect violence, molestation or war—and forge a stronger, more durable character.

Resilience is the means by which we are not immobilized by hardship, but rather bounce back from it stronger, determined, empowered, and able to lead gratifying, flourishing lives.

Thoughts on Resilience

We all need reminders of the strengths we have. And we can cultivate resilience by embracing these three directives: by knowing what you have, by knowing who you are, and by knowing what you are capable of doing.

• What You Have: strong relationships and connections to others, structure and discipline, dedication and desire, role models and mentors 
• Who You Are: a person who embraces that Holy Grail of attitudes – optimism, who has hope and faith, who cares about others, and who is proud of oneself 
• What You Are Capable of Doing: communicating your needs and desires, being flexible in your thinking, critical and creative in solving problems, demonstrates genuine empathy and good emotional intelligence, fosters good relationships

The Boston Marathon Bombings: Helping Our Children Move Forward

The Boston Marathon, which takes place each year on Patriots Day, has long been a day of celebration, joy, and team spirit. We celebrate the elite runners, delight in the joy of thousands of ordinary people testing their mettle to accomplish an extraordinary feat, we support and cheer friends and colleagues who organize teams to raise money for causes near and dear to them. But at this year's Marathon, the incomprehensible and unconscionable acts of terror-minded individuals turned celebration and joy into horror and anguish.

The summer months are a stone's throw away which means family outings to sporting events, Fourth of July celebrations, and the like. So, how do we help our children feel safe in light of the bombings at the Boston marathon? How do we, their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, caretakers feel safe?

Like the instructions we receive when traveling with a child onboard an airplane — put on your oxygen mask first before assisting the child — we have to get our emotions, our state of mind under control first. We cannot tell our children that everything will be okay if in our next breath we are illustrating our fear and anxiety in words and actions to others around us. Remember: kids hear and see much more than we think they do.

How do we move forward and help our children to do so? We teach them that the actions of those two small-minded men represent nothing more than a speck of inhumanity compared to the heroism of the hundreds of first responders, EMTs doctors, nurses, and ordinary folks who ran into the fray to help. We explain to them that the actions of those two cowardly men represent nothing compared to the bravery of the hundreds of wounded who must reach deep inside and find the strength of character to redefine their lives and live courageously, albeit differently. We show them that the actions of those two men represent hatred in the hearts of the few rather than the love and grace in the hearts of the many. In other words, we show them by example.

As President Obama reminded us in his message at the Interfaith Healing Service on Thursday, “Like Bill Ifrig, 78 years old, the runner in the orange tank-top who we all saw get knocked down by the blast, we may be momentarily knocked off our feet. But we'll pick ourselves up. We'll keep going. We will finish the race.”

This is a vital lesson for our children. There will be times and events in life that knock us off our feet, that rattle our emotions. Challenges in life build character. We survive and thrive through the friendships we make, by reaching out and helping others, by maintaining a hopeful outlook, and by understanding and accepting that change is part of life.

Written for KidsTerrain. Reprinted with permission.

Thoughts of Resilience - Part Three

We all need reminders of the strengths we have. And we can cultivate resilience by embracing these three directives: by knowing what you have, by knowing who you are, and by knowing what you are capable of doing.

• What You Have: strong relationships and connections to others, structure and discipline, dedication and desire, role models and mentors 
• Who You Are: a person who embraces that Holy Grail of attitudes – optimism, who has hope and faith, who cares about others, and who is proud of oneself 
• What You Are Capable of Doing: communicating your needs and desires, being flexible in your thinking, critical and creative in solving problems, demonstrates genuine empathy and good emotional intelligence, fosters good relationships 

Here are a seven tips to learn how you can become more resilient and overcome life's big disappointments:

1. Avoid seeing crises or setbacks as insurmountable problems. Crises, setbacks, failure happens to everyone. And while at times you may never understand what happened, you can change how you interpret and respond to these events. Looking beyond the present to how future circumstances may be a little better. Look for that valuable negative information that you guide you to greater understanding and better outcomes in the future. 
2. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps build resilience. 
3. Be patient and self-reflective. 
4. Know what you want. If you have goals, it's easier to make plans and move forward. Remember Yogi Berra: If you don’t know where you’re going, you just might end up somewhere else. 
5. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. Adversity offers one of the best ways we can learn something about ourselves. 
6. Accept that change is a part of living. Certain goals may no longer be attainable. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed and focus instead on circumstances that you can alter. 
7. Take risks. Be courageous. 

As Aristotle said: Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees the others. Courage without a clear sense of one’s own abilities is foolhardy. Courage without good judgment is blind. It is taking risks without knowing what is worth the risk. Courage without perseverance is short-lived.

It is possible to bounce back from adversity and go on to live a healthy, fulfilling life. And resilience, I believe, just may be the ultimate path to living a flourishing life.

Have a joyful day everyone...
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Thoughts on Resilience - Part Two

Each of us has a considerable capacity for strength. And while sometimes it is easier to embrace being a victim of circumstances, that role removes the obligation to change. Resilient people do not let adversity define them. Instead, they rise above adversity—poverty, abuse, neglect violence, molestation or war—and forge a stronger, more durable character.

Resilience is the means by which we are not immobilized by hardship, but rather bounce back from it stronger, determined, empowered, and able to lead gratifying, flourishing lives.

The greatest weapon in our arsenal is our ability to choose one thought over another. But our choices must be wise. So how can you tell if you are making bad choices? To often we get caught in the ‘Different set of circumstance, different situation, same old crappy outcome’ trap, when we are ensnared by the habits that do not serve us. To begin to make better choices it is necessary to go back and examine and reflect on past events in order to find the strengths you have within.

Many psychologists today preach that it's not really until adulthood that people begin to surmount the difficulties of childhood and to rebuild their lives. But let’s set the record straight. That concept goes back more than 2300 years … back to Aristotle.

In the Nichomachean Ethics, Aristotle writes that there are two times in our lives when our character is shaped. The first is when we are children. At this time our habits and attitudes are shaped by our parents and our early teachers, who taught us the best they knew how based on what they learned. While these early rules and habit formations were central to our character development, sometimes these lessons were negative.

Our adult conception of the world, however, comes from within and is self-directed. Thus, Aristotle states, we need to look back at those early lessons, those habits we developed, and determine if they serve us or if they are habits that do not serve us. And then we must ask ourselves, “Is this the kind of person I want to be?”

Have a joyful day everyone...
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Thoughts About Resilience - Part One

Resilience is that quality, that ability that enables some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than before. Rather than allowing crises or failure to drain their resolve, they tapped a reservoir of determination that allows them to rise up strong and resolute.

There are several factors that make someone resilient: an attitude of optimism and hope, the ability to manage strong emotions, and the ability to see failure as valuable negative information.

Let’s talk about that F word for a moment. Failure stirs up potent social emotions: humiliation, guilt, shame. Yet, failure is, at worst, a mixed blessing: It hurts, yet, failure can pay off in the form of learning, growth, and wisdom.

Learning is error-driven. Nothing ever invented was created right the first time. I recall hearing the story of Robert Goddard, a physics instructor at Clark University constructed and tested the first liquid fuel rocket in Auburn, Massachusetts, in March of 1926. The rocket flew to an altitude of 41 ft and landed 184 ft away, crashing into the snow. The flight lasted 2.5 seconds. Although the experiment was primitive, the flight was epochal, setting the stage for era of space exploration that’s part and parcel of our history.

The lesson here is that for Goddard, experimental failures were ‘valuable negative information’.

Some psychologists argue that adversity, setbacks, and even trauma may actually be necessary for people to be happy, successful, and fulfilled. There’s even a term for it: "Post-traumatic growth." To support this they point to successful people such as Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Walt Disney, Oprah Winfrey – folks who credit their accomplishments to earlier failures and childhood traumas that pushed them to the edge of the abyss. Nietzsche: “When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you.”

Setbacks actually force us to take risks, to learn, and to grow. Failure is an opportunity to change course. We must learn to seize it, rather than be seized by it.

Have a joyful day everyone...
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

The Remarkable Power of Resilience

Often we talk about resilience  as that extraordinary capacity some people have for bouncing back in the face of adversity, trauma, or tragedy. And while research has shown that resilience is ordinary and not extraordinary, and that people commonly demonstrate the characteristics and factors that make for resilience, sometimes we do witness extraordinary examples of lives transformed through the power of resilience.

When I think about the remarkable power of resilience, two people come to mind immediately: Congresswoman Gabrielle "Gabby" Giffords and her husband, Commander Mark Kelly.  Giffords, as you may recall, was shot in the head by Jared Laughner in 2011. While doctors were cautiously optimistic about her recovery, Commander Kelly had little doubt his Gabby would recover. He knew his wife embodied "The Right Stuff," beginning with a firm attitude of optimism, and so he encouraged her doctors to develop a resilience plan as part of her recovery. 

A resilience plan has been shown to reduce the frequency and intensity of post-traumatic stress disorders and other health problems that occur after a personal disaster, allowing those affected to recover more quickly and completely.

During the couple's interview with Diane Sawyer, we were reminded how Gabby was once called, "the most positive person in Congress," quite a feat considering the craziness that occurs daily on Capitol Hill. Knowing that optimism was at the core of Gabby's being, and his belief that "Optimism is a form of healing; hope is a form of love," Kelly posted a sign outside her hospital room for visitors: No Crying.

Resilient optimism is not the rose-colored glasses view of the world. Resilient optimism recognizes that bad things happen. Yet, rather than wallowing in catastrophic thinking -- that tendency to assume the worst and to perseverate about irrational worst-case outcomes -- resilient optimists acknowledge and manage their strong feelings, looking for the valuable negative information that edifies the foundation of the learning experience 

Research on resilience has also shown us that people who struggle with their emotions, fear in particularly, may become more restrictive and rigid in their view of the themselves and their place in the world. To help Gabby hold on to that attitude of optimism and build her inner strength, the doctors advised that she be kept unaware of the full extent of the tragedy that occurred that day -- the lives lost, the people injured – until her road to recovery was more firmly established.

Studies in resilience, too, have repeatedly underscored the significance of social relationships, our connectedness to others. Visits from family and friends offered Gabby encouragement and confidence.

Another example of the remarkable power of resilience is Christopher Reeve. On May 27, 1995, actor Christopher Reeve was thrown headfirst from his horse during a jumping competition, shattering the first two vertebrae in his neck. Upon regaining consciousness and realizing he was totally paralyzed, Reeve thought that the best thing to do would be "to slip away."

Unable to speak because he had no ability to exhale air, he mouthed to his wife Dana, "Maybe we should let me go."

Dana responded, "I will support whatever you want to do, because this is your life, and your decision. But I want you to know that I'll be with you for the long haul, no matter what. You are still you. And I love you."  Her response is another example of the resilient power of our connected to others. Reeve wrote, "She made living seem possible, because I felt the depth of her love and commitment."

While catastrophic thinking -- ruminating about irrational worst-case outcomes -- is contrary to resilience, it is not uncommon for survivors of catastrophic accidents to think obsessively about what happened. Reeve said that for the first year he "wondered over and over about the accident. The jump was a relatively easy one. Why did his horse balk at this jump? Was it a freak accident? Did he move forward in the saddle before he should have?" However, as his resilient spirit grew stronger, he realized that endless speculation about what happened served no purpose other than to torment him.

So what can we learn from these three resilient spirits? I offer the following:

• Acknowledge that loss or illness is inevitable. By developing and nurturing a resilient spirit at the core of our being, little that can transpire that can affect us permanently.
• Know that connectedness to others is vital, and so we must cultivate relationships that create love and trust.
• Learn to communicate effectively your needs.
• Be flexible; accept that change is a part of living. 
• Develop goals and realistic plans and take steps to carry them out.
• Live an authentic life. Believe in what you do and do it with joy, gratitude, and grace.
• Find the positive in experiences and avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems.
• Be spiritually connected, whether through an organized religion or by adopting a philosophy of life.

Christopher Reeve, in writing about his spiritual journey, said: "I have come to believe that spirituality is found in the way we live our daily lives. It means spending time thinking about others. It's not so hard to imagine that there is some kind of higher power. We don't have to know what form it takes or exactly where it exists; just to honor it and try to live by it is enough."

It's Not Your Life, It's His (or Hers)

Ann Landers had some good advice when it came to sticking our nose where it doesn't belong. She said simply this: "Make somebody happy today. Mind your own business."

Great advice, indeed! Yet, sometimes we just can't help ourselves. We witness an event, hear a news story about something someone said or did, and we think to ourselves (or more likely say to others), "I would never have done that!" or "That’s not how I would have responded."

The frustration or anger that can well inside us from situations that are not only out of our control, but have nothing to do with us, chips away at our peace of mind and releases stress hormones which, left unattended, can lead to health-related problems. As I've said before in previous blogs, managing stress begins with recognizing and understanding the habits that serve us and the habits that don’t serve us. Developing a plan for managing stress requires an understanding of and commitment to the change process, and then taking small steps to change those identified behaviors that keep us from living a flourishing life.

So, ask yourself…honestly…

• Do you find yourself frustrated, annoyed, or angered by the actions (or words) of others that have nothing to do with you?
• Do you take as a personal affront situations that have nothing to do with you?
• Do you sometimes meddle in what does not concern you?

Let's see how involved you are in other people's matters. True or false…

1. When I find myself eavesdropping on others’ conversations, I draw conclusions. T F

2. When I’m out to dinner, other diners’ misbehaving children irritate me. T F

3. While my spouse (partner, friend) is on the phone, I make comments in response to his or her conversation. T F

4. People who drive cautiously drive me nuts. T F

If you saw yourself in the above scenarios, perhaps it's time to make some changes. A good way to go about changing behavior that does not serve you is to examine your history, your actions, and your reactions.

Here are a few questions I have my students explore. Get yourself a journal or notebook. Take some quiet time and really reflect on these questions. Answer them honestly. This exercise is for you. Recognizing what motivates your behavior is the first step towards changing it.

1. Detail a scenario/situation that did not concern you, but did frustrate, anger, or annoy you.

2. How did the above scenario/situation make you feel?

3. Why do you think the scenario/situation affected you when it did not concern you?

4. Did the scenario/situation remind you of a personal event from your past? If so, what happened and how did you respond to it at the time?

It's Brutal Honesty Time

This is not the blog I intended to write today. My intention was to write an uplifting article about the remarkable power of resilience, but I had to finish another assignment first. This is National Eating Disorders Awareness Week, and I had to write an article about dangerous websites that promote eating disorders.

As I was researching these websites I felt my insides literally churning. As I wrote about the need to instill in teens and adolescents messages of body confidence, hope and self-esteem, I came face-to-face with a brutal truth: I was disingenuous.

For years I've written, spoke, , trained about the importance of understanding one's self-worth. I even coined the phrase that self-worth is one element of the equation that makes for self-esteem: Self-confidence plus self-worth equals self-esteem. And let me tell you, I talk the talk about this pretty darned well. I encourage people to look at themselves in the mirror, to look straight into their eyes and tell themselves one good thing about themselves every day. I have them do this exercise to build a list of characteristics and traits that comprise their self-worth. And I encourage them to do this exercise with their children, too, because I do believe that if one is clear about one's self-worth, it is harder for one's self-confidence to be shaken. Or if one's self-confidence is shaken, rattled and rolled, you will be able to pick yourself up off the floor much quicker.

I also write, speak, teach, and train about the importance of exploring one's life story and getting to the truth of the habits that do not serve you. Our adult conception of the world comes from within and is self-directed. And so we need to look back at those early lessons, those habits we have developed, and determine if they serve us or if they do not serve us. And then we must ask ourselves: Is this the kind of person I want to be? I teach this because I do believe that it is in examining and understanding the larger context of our lives that we can live a more flourishing life.

So, why have I been disingenuous? Okay... Here it goes. (Read full article here)

Beware Those Stinkin' Thinkin' Traps

So, you've set your sight on getting in better shape this year. Losing weight and working out are at the top of your New Year's resolutions list. And you are determined to follow through this year.

But as you pop the Jane Fonda "Prime Time -- Fit & Strong" disk into the DVD player, you catch sight of the candy dish boasting a dilapidated pyramid of gold Ferrero Rocher candies. You grab the remote, put Jane on pause, and sidle up to the coffee table to re-stack those gold-wrapped delights into a perfect pyramid. Then, in an instant, you feel yourself beginning to waver.

"Oh, what's one little Ferrero Rocher? It would be a shame to throw these out. After all, I only buy them during the holiday season."

The next thing you know, you've popped not just one, but two, three, then four of those tasty chocolate and hazelnut, melt-in-your-mouth balls into your mouth. You quickly roll the gold and brown wrappers into a tight little wad and thrust it into the pocket of your new activewear.

And then it happens... one of those Stinkin' Thinkin' Traps, known as "all or none" thinking takes over, (Read More)

A Lesson In Resilience

On a brisk September day in 1620, 102 passengers and a crew of roughly 30 left England embarking on a grueling 66-day journey marked by disease and death. According to history, the Pilgrims undertook the voyage to escape religious persecution in England. The Mayflower, originally destined for the mouth of the Hudson River at the northern edge of England's Virginia colony, went off course and settled in Cape Cod Bay. All surviving passengers moved ashore and colonized at Plymouth.

What we learn from the Pilgrim story is a remarkable example of the resilience. The resilient pilgrims had the ability to look at critical situations in a new way, finding creative approaches toward solving a problem.
(Read more)