Are.You Feeling Challenged By Obstacles?

Are you feeling challenged by obstacles? Are you clear as to what that "thing" is that is preventing or hindering your progress?

I view any obstacle that gets in my way as an opportunity to learn something new. It's not always an easy lesson. And sometimes the learning of the lesson takes time, patience, and reflection.

Changing the way we think about obstacles effects our success rate for as the Zen Buddhists say, "The obstacle is the path." To begin, we have to identify the type and source of the obstacle. Ask yourself: Do you view the obstacle metaphorically as a pebble, a rock, or a boulder? Is it external or internal?

External obstacles are those things outside of your control, such as environment, money, physical limitations. Yet, because they are external does not mean you should give up. What is always in your control is how you choose to respond (cognitively) not react (emotionally) to the challenge.

Internal obstacles are things such as fear, self-doubt, and what I call your Habitudes -- Patterns of thought and behavior affecting our attitudes towards life; habitual ways of thinking and acting that may or may not serve you.

Our beliefs and thoughts about a situation affect our reaction to it. The way we think about things can actually give things more meaning than they actually deserve. By giving meaning to things, we give them power in our lives. That's why I asked you to think metaphorically about the obstacle. What is its size? How easily, based on that size - pebble, rock, boulder -- can you remove it from your pathway?

"Obstacles don't have to stop you," said Michael Jordan. "If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Serenity Now!

 Most people upon hearing the words "serenity now!" recall the famous Seinfeld episode where Frank Costanza is advised to say "serenity now" aloud every time his blood pressure is in danger of going up. The episode's plot was inspired by real-life events of writer Steve Koren who, while driving with his arguing parents, was bewildered to hear his father shout "Serenity now" at the top of his lungs as part of a rage controlling exercise. 

"Calmness of mind" James Allen wrote, "is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control." Like Frank Costanza screaming "serenity now," a churning mind eventually may lead one to blow.  

Often we become anxious about things we cannot change: the economy, the weather, our commute to work. Recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot change can help us live more peaceful and productive lives. Patience and perseverance leads to success in our endeavors.

The Serenity Prayer has special meaning to those who are often looking for peace during times of turmoil, despair, or uncertainty in their lives. Closely associated with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, the Serenity Prayer offers strength and calm into those seeking a more stable life. Written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, most people are familiar with this first stanza: 

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 
the courage to change the things I can; 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

However, Niebuhr's prayer also included these concepts:

• Living one day at a time
• Enjoying one moment at a time
• Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace

Managing stress is a pathway to having serenity now. Meditation and mindful prayer help the mind and the body to relax and focus. As psychologist Ron Breazeale wrote in an article for Psychology Today entitled "WaysTo Manage Chronic Stress, "these techniques can give you "insight into new perspectives, to develop self-compassion and forgiveness and to begin to rethink the priorities in your life."

Here are a few ABCs to bring serenity into your life now:

Ask:  . . . yourself this question -- What is it about this situation that I can manage?

Breathe: Stop and take 10 mindful breaths. Nothing special is required to do so, just focus. Be aware of your breath coming in and then going out.

Connect:  . . . with a friend. Don’t e-mail or text. Pick up the phone and hear his or her voice. Better yet, plan some face time together. (That's Face time as in getting together, not Facebook time!) 

Do: … absolutely nothing! Spend time with yourself, your thoughts, your dreams.

Exercise: Go for a walk, a bike ride, kayak down a peaceful.

Forgive: . . . yourself first, then others.

Resilient People

 Resilient people have a penchant for learning. They have the ability to reflect upon and recognize objectively their strengths and weaknesses. This self-reflection helps them gain insight into their current circumstances, opening them to new ideas and new tactics for dealing with crises. 

Resilient people have the ability to look at critical situations in a new way, finding creative approaches towards solving a problem. They recognize that life is a series of good times and not so good times, and that you need the bad to appreciate the good. Hard times build character, creating positive lessons that better equip us to cope in the future.

How resilient are you? Visit my web site and download my free "Self-evaluation Resilience Test.

Have a joyful day everyone. And remember to live a flourishing life.
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Follow Live A Flourishing Life on Facebook!

To learn more about how you can live a flourishing life, please visit my web site, www.liveaflourishinglife.com. 

*Excerpt from Live A Flourishing Life

Thoughts and Beliefs

 

Words to Ponder

"A man is as miserable as he thinks he is." ~ Seneca

Thoughts and Beliefs

Our thoughts and beliefs may be negative, positive or neutral. They may be rational, that is based on reason or facts, or irrational, based on false ideas. Our thoughts and beliefs are often driven by self-talk: what we tell ourselves and our interpretation of that a situation means. We must be aware of this inner messaging for people can live their whole lives feeling controlled by a critical inner voice without examining the sources of that voice. And those sources may be driven by those irrational, false ideas.

Our self-worth is vital to our happiness. If you don't feel good about yourself, it's hard, as Sandy hale wrote, "to feel good about anything else." Happiness is as much about what you don't want as what you do want. You have much more power over your happiness level than you probably realize. When you make positive changes in yourself and your environment, you raise your disposition toward happiness. So make it a habit to focus on happiness here and now.

Time Management

Time management is a big concern. Our work life and home life is filled with more and more duties and obligations and less and less time to get it all done. And while we've all heard that old saying, "Time flies when you are having fun," truth be told, time flies even when you're not having fun.

An effective time management strategy can help you stay on task, accomplish your work, reduce stress, and gain more time for yourself.

In this 60-minute LIVE program you will learn practical strategies, tools, and techniques you can put into action immediately!

Topics covered include:

• Multi-tasking . . . It's a Myth
• Meet Your Time Bandits
• Obstacles to Effective Time Management
• Managing Interruptions
• Procrastination
• Setting Goals, Establishing Priorities, and Planning
• Tools You Can Use
  • The Time Journal
  • Kaizen
  • Worksheet
  • Creating the "To Do" List
• Scheduling
• Finding Your Timing
• Effective Use of Time: Leaders
  • Meetings
  • Decision-making
  • Delegation

Investment: $47.00

• Monday, 1/9/23: 3:00 p.m.
• Monday, 1/16/23: 9:30 a.m.
• Saturday, 1/21/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for Time Management today!

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

When I was young, I was fond of saying, "If someone hurts me, I can forgive, but I'll never forget. "And I'd speak those words with a certain air of hubris, and an implied forewarning: "Don't mess with me. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

When I was young, I had no idea what forgiveness was truly about. Truth be told, I didn't have any real clue about true forgiveness until I was in my early 50s, when I began writing the story about my father.

Until that time, I didn't understand that my issues around trust, and intimacy, and honesty had little to do with the actions of the people in my life, and everything to do with my thoughts, beliefs and judgments about them, about myself, and about me in relation to them.

In the forgiveness work I have done, which began when writing the story about my father, to the practice of forgiveness I continue to do, what I have learned, what I know, is that forgiveness has brought me inner peace, has given me a broader perspective on life, and has made me a person capable of giving and receiving genuine love.

Forgiveness is a gift that we give to ourselves. And now, in this 90-minute LIVE! online program, I will share all that I've learned with you, and offer strategies that will guide to you towards the healing power of forgiveness.

Investment: $59.95

• Thurday, 1/19/23: 10:00 a.m.
• Monday, 1/30/23: 7:00 p.m.
• Wednesday, 2/1/23: 9:00 a.m.
• Saturday, 2/18/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for The Healing Power of Forgiveness today!

Strategic Life Coaching / Mentoring

"Rita helped me identify areas of improvement and gave me guidance on how to develop resilience within my own life."

Personal strategic life coaching / mentoring is customized specifically to your most important goals, interests, challenges, and needs. The goal of private sessions is to offer insight and assistance that will guide you towards actionable, positive changes that will affect all areas of your life. Throughout the process we explore the long-standing attitudes and habits that have influenced your life. Armed with this insight, you will develop a workable plan to manage the challenges that come your way.

I incorporate the Robbins-Madanes Strategic Intervention (also known as SI) practices, which extracts the most practical and effective forms of strategic action and communication from a variety of disciplines: Ericksonian therapy, strategic family therapy, Human Needs Psychology, organizational psychology, neurolinguistics, psychology of influence, strategic studies, traditions of diplomacy and negotiation.

Invest in Yourself Today! Contact me for an initial consultation. 774-230-5670 or e-mail rita@ritaschiano.com. Sessions held in person (Sturbridge, MA), or by phone or via Zoom.

Have a blessed and joy-filled day, everyone! . . . Rita

Starting the New Year

 Words to Ponder

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation." ~ Aristotle

Strive For Excellence

Are you a perfectionist? Do you set excessively high performance standards for yourself?

Striving to be the best you can be is a noble goal. Yet, when the pursuit of perfection is accompanied by overly critical self-evaluation, the road can become a slippery slope ending in self-doubt, and even depression.

Think, instead, about shifting your perspective from perfectionism to one of excellence. Excellence is that attainable bar that resides just below perfection. A determined commitment to excellence will enable you to attain the success you desire.

"Excellence," wrote Colin Powell, "is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude," and one, I would add, that is founded in discipline, dedication, and drive.

So, don't get stuck in the muck and mire of perfectionism. Raise yourself up. In all your actions, in all your endeavors, strive for excellence.

Time Management

Time management is a big concern. Our work life and home life is filled with more and more duties and obligations and less and less time to get it all done. And while we've all heard that old saying, "Time flies when you are having fun," truth be told, time flies even when you're not having fun.

An effective time management strategy can help you stay on task, accomplish your work, reduce stress, and gain more time for yourself.

In this 60-minute LIVE program you will learn practical strategies, tools, and techniques you can put into action immediately!

Topics covered include:

• Multi-tasking . . . It's a Myth
• Meet Your Time Bandits
• Obstacles to Effective Time Management
• Managing Interruptions
• Procrastination
• Setting Goals, Establishing Priorities, and Planning
• Tools You Can Use
  • The Time Journal
  • Kaizen
  • Worksheet
  • Creating the "To Do" List
• Scheduling
• Finding Your Timing
• Effective Use of Time: Leaders
  • Meetings
  • Decision-making
  • Delegation

Investment: $47.00

• Monday, 1/9/23: 3:00 p.m.
• Monday, 1/16/23: 9:30 a.m.
• Saturday, 1/21/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for Time Management today!

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

When I was young, I was fond of saying, "If someone hurts me, I can forgive, but I'll never forget. "And I'd speak those words with a certain air of hubris, and an implied forewarning: "Don't mess with me. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

When I was young, I had no idea what forgiveness was truly about. Truth be told, I didn't have any real clue about true forgiveness until I was in my early 50s, when I began writing the story about my father.

Until that time, I didn't understand that my issues around trust, and intimacy, and honesty had little to do with the actions of the people in my life, and everything to do with my thoughts, beliefs and judgments about them, about myself, and about me in relation to them.

In the forgiveness work I have done, which began when writing the story about my father, to the practice of forgiveness I continue to do, what I have learned, what I know, is that forgiveness has brought me inner peace, has given me a broader perspective on life, and has made me a person capable of giving and receiving genuine love.

Forgiveness is a gift that we give to ourselves. And now, in this 90-minute LIVE! online program, I will share all that I've learned with you, and offer strategies that will guide to you towards the healing power of forgiveness.

Investment: $59.95

• Thurday, 1/19/23: 10:00 a.m.
• Monday, 1/30/23: 7:00 p.m.
• Wednesday, 2/1/23: 9:00 a.m.
• Saturday, 2/18/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for The Healing Power of Forgiveness today!

Strategic Life Coaching / Mentoring

"Rita helped me identify areas of improvement and gave me guidance on how to develop resilience within my own life."

Personal strategic life coaching / mentoring is customized specifically to your most important goals, interests, challenges, and needs. The goal of private sessions is to offer insight and assistance that will guide you towards actionable, positive changes that will affect all areas of your life. Throughout the process we explore the long-standing attitudes and habits that have influenced your life. Armed with this insight, you will develop a workable plan to manage the challenges that come your way.

I incorporate the Robbins-Madanes Strategic Intervention (also known as SI) practices, which extracts the most practical and effective forms of strategic action and communication from a variety of disciplines: Ericksonian therapy, strategic family therapy, Human Needs Psychology, organizational psychology, neurolinguistics, psychology of influence, strategic studies, traditions of diplomacy and negotiation.

Invest in Yourself Today! Contact me for an initial consultation. 774-230-5670 or e-mail rita@ritaschiano.com. Sessions held in person (Sturbridge, MA), or by phone or via Zoom.

Have a joy-filled day, everyone! . . . Rita

Managing Strong Feelings

 

The humanitarian crisis in Ukraine has many of us feeling helpless. Sure, we can open our wallets and send money or buy much needed supplies to be sent to aid the refugees. Yet, beyond those actions, what more can we do? As gas, oil, and other prices surge, this adds another layer of stress over things we cannot control. The frustration or anger that can well inside us from situations that are out of our control chips away at our peace of mind and releases stress hormones which, left unattended, can lead to health-related problems.

However, there are things we can do to manage the emotional toll. The capacity to manage strong feeling, emotions, and impulses involves being able to:

• take action without being impulsive and responding out of emotion
• put emotions to the side when clear thinking and action are required
• use thinking as a way of managing one’s emotions

When we allow ourselves to get worked up, we are needlessly causing our bodies to go into fight-or-flight mode. That's why perspective is so important. I remember my mother, who was a young woman during the World War II era, talking about the rationing of bread, flour, sugar, and other staples. I, myself, remember gas rationing back in the the 1970s. And while we are not there (and hopefully will not get there) think of all you do have.

The people in Ukraine are losing there homes, businesses, schools, towns. On February 23, sixteen days ago from the writing of this post, people in Ukraine were living life as we live it today..... planning weddings, graduations, awaiting the birth of a child.....all the thing that are part of the normality of everyday life. And then it all was shattered. In two weeks time, nearly two-million people fled from their lives as they knew it on February 23.

Take a few minutes to think about that. Imagine yourself waking up on February 24 and having to flee your home, your town, your life as you knew it, with little more than the clothes on your back. Think about this when the urge to complain about the price of gas as you fill up your car....the car that will then take you to the store, to your workplace, to the comfort of your home.

Perspective. Perspective can and will make the difference in how your manage your emotions and your stress.

Be A Creative Thinker

 Why is it . . .

•     Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
• man evolved from monkeys, yet we still have monkeys?
• necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
  

"Good learning starts with questions, not answers," wrote Guy Claxton. And, I will add, sometimes it is the most outrageous questions that can jump start our thinking, get us looking at a problem in a new way.

Creative thinking calls into question the assumptions underlying our usual ways of thinking and acting.

Creative thinkers consider rejecting standardized formats for problem solving. They have an interest in a wide range of related and divergent fields. Creative thinkers take multiple perspectives on a problem and will use trial-and-error methods in their experimentation. When we step into new territories, tentativeness is normal.

Be a creative thinker. Pose new questions to yourself everyday, even outlandish ones like those above. Have a future orientation; have self-confidence and trust in your own judgment. Deepen your self-knowledge by exploring your inner strengths, your weaknesses, your skills, biases, expectations, and fears.

Examine the patterns, the habitudes that are holding you back, keeping you stuck in the 'same old, same old.' As Stephen Covey said, "Live out of your imagination, not your history."