Are you feeling challenged by obstacles?

Are you feeling challenged by obstacles? Are you clear as to what that "thing" is that is preventing or hindering your progress?

I view any obstacle that gets in my way as an opportunity to learn something new. It's not always an easy lesson. And sometimes the learning of the lesson takes time, patience, and reflection.

Changing the way we think about obstacles effects our success rate for as the Zen Buddhists say, "The obstacle is the path." To begin, we have to identify the type and source of the obstacle. Ask yourself: Do you view the obstacle metaphorically as a pebble, a rock, or a boulder? Is it external or internal?

External obstacles are those things outside of your control, such as environment, money, physical limitations. Yet, because they are external does not mean you should give up. What is always in your control is how you choose to respond (cognitively) not react (emotionally) to the challenge.

Internal obstacles are things such as fear, self-doubt, and what I call your Habitudes -- Patterns of thought and behavior affecting our attitudes towards life; habitual ways of thinking and acting that may or may not serve you.

Our beliefs and thoughts about a situation affect our reaction to it. The way we think about things can actually give things more meaning than they actually deserve. By giving meaning to things, we give them power in our lives. That's why I asked you to think metaphorically about the obstacle. What is its size? How easily, based on that size - pebble, rock, boulder -- can you remove it from your pathway?

"Obstacles don't have to stop you," said Michael Jordan. "If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

If you have been thinking about working with a coach, the time is right.

 "Rita helped me identify areas of improvement and gave me guidance on how to develop resilience within my own life."

Strategic personal and/or professional development coaching is customized specifically to your most important goals, interests, challenges, and needs. 

The goal of private sessions is to offer insight and assistance that will guide you towards actionable, positive changes that will affect all areas of your life. 

Armed with this insight, you will develop a workable plan to manage the challenges that come your way.

I incorporate the Tony Robbins-Madanes Strategic Intervention (also known as SI) practices, which extracts the most practical and effective forms of strategic action and communication from a variety of disciplines.

Invest in Yourself Today! Contact me for an initial consultation. 774-230-5670 or e-mail rita@ritaschiano.com.

Sessions are held in-person in my Sturbridge office or via Zoom or FaceTime, based on your preference.

Are.You Feeling Challenged By Obstacles?

Are you feeling challenged by obstacles? Are you clear as to what that "thing" is that is preventing or hindering your progress?

I view any obstacle that gets in my way as an opportunity to learn something new. It's not always an easy lesson. And sometimes the learning of the lesson takes time, patience, and reflection.

Changing the way we think about obstacles effects our success rate for as the Zen Buddhists say, "The obstacle is the path." To begin, we have to identify the type and source of the obstacle. Ask yourself: Do you view the obstacle metaphorically as a pebble, a rock, or a boulder? Is it external or internal?

External obstacles are those things outside of your control, such as environment, money, physical limitations. Yet, because they are external does not mean you should give up. What is always in your control is how you choose to respond (cognitively) not react (emotionally) to the challenge.

Internal obstacles are things such as fear, self-doubt, and what I call your Habitudes -- Patterns of thought and behavior affecting our attitudes towards life; habitual ways of thinking and acting that may or may not serve you.

Our beliefs and thoughts about a situation affect our reaction to it. The way we think about things can actually give things more meaning than they actually deserve. By giving meaning to things, we give them power in our lives. That's why I asked you to think metaphorically about the obstacle. What is its size? How easily, based on that size - pebble, rock, boulder -- can you remove it from your pathway?

"Obstacles don't have to stop you," said Michael Jordan. "If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it."

Serenity Now!

 Most people upon hearing the words "serenity now!" recall the famous Seinfeld episode where Frank Costanza is advised to say "serenity now" aloud every time his blood pressure is in danger of going up. The episode's plot was inspired by real-life events of writer Steve Koren who, while driving with his arguing parents, was bewildered to hear his father shout "Serenity now" at the top of his lungs as part of a rage controlling exercise. 

"Calmness of mind" James Allen wrote, "is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control." Like Frank Costanza screaming "serenity now," a churning mind eventually may lead one to blow.  

Often we become anxious about things we cannot change: the economy, the weather, our commute to work. Recognizing the difference between what we can and cannot change can help us live more peaceful and productive lives. Patience and perseverance leads to success in our endeavors.

The Serenity Prayer has special meaning to those who are often looking for peace during times of turmoil, despair, or uncertainty in their lives. Closely associated with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, the Serenity Prayer offers strength and calm into those seeking a more stable life. Written by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, most people are familiar with this first stanza: 

God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change; 
the courage to change the things I can; 

and the wisdom to know the difference.

However, Niebuhr's prayer also included these concepts:

• Living one day at a time
• Enjoying one moment at a time
• Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace

Managing stress is a pathway to having serenity now. Meditation and mindful prayer help the mind and the body to relax and focus. As psychologist Ron Breazeale wrote in an article for Psychology Today entitled "WaysTo Manage Chronic Stress, "these techniques can give you "insight into new perspectives, to develop self-compassion and forgiveness and to begin to rethink the priorities in your life."

Here are a few ABCs to bring serenity into your life now:

Ask:  . . . yourself this question -- What is it about this situation that I can manage?

Breathe: Stop and take 10 mindful breaths. Nothing special is required to do so, just focus. Be aware of your breath coming in and then going out.

Connect:  . . . with a friend. Don’t e-mail or text. Pick up the phone and hear his or her voice. Better yet, plan some face time together. (That's Face time as in getting together, not Facebook time!) 

Do: … absolutely nothing! Spend time with yourself, your thoughts, your dreams.

Exercise: Go for a walk, a bike ride, kayak down a peaceful.

Forgive: . . . yourself first, then others.

Resilient People

 Resilient people have a penchant for learning. They have the ability to reflect upon and recognize objectively their strengths and weaknesses. This self-reflection helps them gain insight into their current circumstances, opening them to new ideas and new tactics for dealing with crises. 

Resilient people have the ability to look at critical situations in a new way, finding creative approaches towards solving a problem. They recognize that life is a series of good times and not so good times, and that you need the bad to appreciate the good. Hard times build character, creating positive lessons that better equip us to cope in the future.

How resilient are you? Visit my web site and download my free "Self-evaluation Resilience Test.

Have a joyful day everyone. And remember to live a flourishing life.
Rita
www.ritaschiano.com

Follow Live A Flourishing Life on Facebook!

To learn more about how you can live a flourishing life, please visit my web site, www.liveaflourishinglife.com. 

*Excerpt from Live A Flourishing Life

Thoughts and Beliefs

 

Words to Ponder

"A man is as miserable as he thinks he is." ~ Seneca

Thoughts and Beliefs

Our thoughts and beliefs may be negative, positive or neutral. They may be rational, that is based on reason or facts, or irrational, based on false ideas. Our thoughts and beliefs are often driven by self-talk: what we tell ourselves and our interpretation of that a situation means. We must be aware of this inner messaging for people can live their whole lives feeling controlled by a critical inner voice without examining the sources of that voice. And those sources may be driven by those irrational, false ideas.

Our self-worth is vital to our happiness. If you don't feel good about yourself, it's hard, as Sandy hale wrote, "to feel good about anything else." Happiness is as much about what you don't want as what you do want. You have much more power over your happiness level than you probably realize. When you make positive changes in yourself and your environment, you raise your disposition toward happiness. So make it a habit to focus on happiness here and now.

Time Management

Time management is a big concern. Our work life and home life is filled with more and more duties and obligations and less and less time to get it all done. And while we've all heard that old saying, "Time flies when you are having fun," truth be told, time flies even when you're not having fun.

An effective time management strategy can help you stay on task, accomplish your work, reduce stress, and gain more time for yourself.

In this 60-minute LIVE program you will learn practical strategies, tools, and techniques you can put into action immediately!

Topics covered include:

• Multi-tasking . . . It's a Myth
• Meet Your Time Bandits
• Obstacles to Effective Time Management
• Managing Interruptions
• Procrastination
• Setting Goals, Establishing Priorities, and Planning
• Tools You Can Use
  • The Time Journal
  • Kaizen
  • Worksheet
  • Creating the "To Do" List
• Scheduling
• Finding Your Timing
• Effective Use of Time: Leaders
  • Meetings
  • Decision-making
  • Delegation

Investment: $47.00

• Monday, 1/9/23: 3:00 p.m.
• Monday, 1/16/23: 9:30 a.m.
• Saturday, 1/21/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for Time Management today!

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

When I was young, I was fond of saying, "If someone hurts me, I can forgive, but I'll never forget. "And I'd speak those words with a certain air of hubris, and an implied forewarning: "Don't mess with me. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

When I was young, I had no idea what forgiveness was truly about. Truth be told, I didn't have any real clue about true forgiveness until I was in my early 50s, when I began writing the story about my father.

Until that time, I didn't understand that my issues around trust, and intimacy, and honesty had little to do with the actions of the people in my life, and everything to do with my thoughts, beliefs and judgments about them, about myself, and about me in relation to them.

In the forgiveness work I have done, which began when writing the story about my father, to the practice of forgiveness I continue to do, what I have learned, what I know, is that forgiveness has brought me inner peace, has given me a broader perspective on life, and has made me a person capable of giving and receiving genuine love.

Forgiveness is a gift that we give to ourselves. And now, in this 90-minute LIVE! online program, I will share all that I've learned with you, and offer strategies that will guide to you towards the healing power of forgiveness.

Investment: $59.95

• Thurday, 1/19/23: 10:00 a.m.
• Monday, 1/30/23: 7:00 p.m.
• Wednesday, 2/1/23: 9:00 a.m.
• Saturday, 2/18/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for The Healing Power of Forgiveness today!

Strategic Life Coaching / Mentoring

"Rita helped me identify areas of improvement and gave me guidance on how to develop resilience within my own life."

Personal strategic life coaching / mentoring is customized specifically to your most important goals, interests, challenges, and needs. The goal of private sessions is to offer insight and assistance that will guide you towards actionable, positive changes that will affect all areas of your life. Throughout the process we explore the long-standing attitudes and habits that have influenced your life. Armed with this insight, you will develop a workable plan to manage the challenges that come your way.

I incorporate the Robbins-Madanes Strategic Intervention (also known as SI) practices, which extracts the most practical and effective forms of strategic action and communication from a variety of disciplines: Ericksonian therapy, strategic family therapy, Human Needs Psychology, organizational psychology, neurolinguistics, psychology of influence, strategic studies, traditions of diplomacy and negotiation.

Invest in Yourself Today! Contact me for an initial consultation. 774-230-5670 or e-mail rita@ritaschiano.com. Sessions held in person (Sturbridge, MA), or by phone or via Zoom.

Have a blessed and joy-filled day, everyone! . . . Rita

Starting the New Year

 Words to Ponder

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation." ~ Aristotle

Strive For Excellence

Are you a perfectionist? Do you set excessively high performance standards for yourself?

Striving to be the best you can be is a noble goal. Yet, when the pursuit of perfection is accompanied by overly critical self-evaluation, the road can become a slippery slope ending in self-doubt, and even depression.

Think, instead, about shifting your perspective from perfectionism to one of excellence. Excellence is that attainable bar that resides just below perfection. A determined commitment to excellence will enable you to attain the success you desire.

"Excellence," wrote Colin Powell, "is not an exception, it is a prevailing attitude," and one, I would add, that is founded in discipline, dedication, and drive.

So, don't get stuck in the muck and mire of perfectionism. Raise yourself up. In all your actions, in all your endeavors, strive for excellence.

Time Management

Time management is a big concern. Our work life and home life is filled with more and more duties and obligations and less and less time to get it all done. And while we've all heard that old saying, "Time flies when you are having fun," truth be told, time flies even when you're not having fun.

An effective time management strategy can help you stay on task, accomplish your work, reduce stress, and gain more time for yourself.

In this 60-minute LIVE program you will learn practical strategies, tools, and techniques you can put into action immediately!

Topics covered include:

• Multi-tasking . . . It's a Myth
• Meet Your Time Bandits
• Obstacles to Effective Time Management
• Managing Interruptions
• Procrastination
• Setting Goals, Establishing Priorities, and Planning
• Tools You Can Use
  • The Time Journal
  • Kaizen
  • Worksheet
  • Creating the "To Do" List
• Scheduling
• Finding Your Timing
• Effective Use of Time: Leaders
  • Meetings
  • Decision-making
  • Delegation

Investment: $47.00

• Monday, 1/9/23: 3:00 p.m.
• Monday, 1/16/23: 9:30 a.m.
• Saturday, 1/21/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for Time Management today!

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

When I was young, I was fond of saying, "If someone hurts me, I can forgive, but I'll never forget. "And I'd speak those words with a certain air of hubris, and an implied forewarning: "Don't mess with me. Revenge is a dish best served cold."

When I was young, I had no idea what forgiveness was truly about. Truth be told, I didn't have any real clue about true forgiveness until I was in my early 50s, when I began writing the story about my father.

Until that time, I didn't understand that my issues around trust, and intimacy, and honesty had little to do with the actions of the people in my life, and everything to do with my thoughts, beliefs and judgments about them, about myself, and about me in relation to them.

In the forgiveness work I have done, which began when writing the story about my father, to the practice of forgiveness I continue to do, what I have learned, what I know, is that forgiveness has brought me inner peace, has given me a broader perspective on life, and has made me a person capable of giving and receiving genuine love.

Forgiveness is a gift that we give to ourselves. And now, in this 90-minute LIVE! online program, I will share all that I've learned with you, and offer strategies that will guide to you towards the healing power of forgiveness.

Investment: $59.95

• Thurday, 1/19/23: 10:00 a.m.
• Monday, 1/30/23: 7:00 p.m.
• Wednesday, 2/1/23: 9:00 a.m.
• Saturday, 2/18/23: 11:00 a.m.

Don't miss out! Register for The Healing Power of Forgiveness today!

Strategic Life Coaching / Mentoring

"Rita helped me identify areas of improvement and gave me guidance on how to develop resilience within my own life."

Personal strategic life coaching / mentoring is customized specifically to your most important goals, interests, challenges, and needs. The goal of private sessions is to offer insight and assistance that will guide you towards actionable, positive changes that will affect all areas of your life. Throughout the process we explore the long-standing attitudes and habits that have influenced your life. Armed with this insight, you will develop a workable plan to manage the challenges that come your way.

I incorporate the Robbins-Madanes Strategic Intervention (also known as SI) practices, which extracts the most practical and effective forms of strategic action and communication from a variety of disciplines: Ericksonian therapy, strategic family therapy, Human Needs Psychology, organizational psychology, neurolinguistics, psychology of influence, strategic studies, traditions of diplomacy and negotiation.

Invest in Yourself Today! Contact me for an initial consultation. 774-230-5670 or e-mail rita@ritaschiano.com. Sessions held in person (Sturbridge, MA), or by phone or via Zoom.

Have a joy-filled day, everyone! . . . Rita

Managing Strong Feelings

 

The humanitarian crisis in Ukraine has many of us feeling helpless. Sure, we can open our wallets and send money or buy much needed supplies to be sent to aid the refugees. Yet, beyond those actions, what more can we do? As gas, oil, and other prices surge, this adds another layer of stress over things we cannot control. The frustration or anger that can well inside us from situations that are out of our control chips away at our peace of mind and releases stress hormones which, left unattended, can lead to health-related problems.

However, there are things we can do to manage the emotional toll. The capacity to manage strong feeling, emotions, and impulses involves being able to:

• take action without being impulsive and responding out of emotion
• put emotions to the side when clear thinking and action are required
• use thinking as a way of managing one’s emotions

When we allow ourselves to get worked up, we are needlessly causing our bodies to go into fight-or-flight mode. That's why perspective is so important. I remember my mother, who was a young woman during the World War II era, talking about the rationing of bread, flour, sugar, and other staples. I, myself, remember gas rationing back in the the 1970s. And while we are not there (and hopefully will not get there) think of all you do have.

The people in Ukraine are losing there homes, businesses, schools, towns. On February 23, sixteen days ago from the writing of this post, people in Ukraine were living life as we live it today..... planning weddings, graduations, awaiting the birth of a child.....all the thing that are part of the normality of everyday life. And then it all was shattered. In two weeks time, nearly two-million people fled from their lives as they knew it on February 23.

Take a few minutes to think about that. Imagine yourself waking up on February 24 and having to flee your home, your town, your life as you knew it, with little more than the clothes on your back. Think about this when the urge to complain about the price of gas as you fill up your car....the car that will then take you to the store, to your workplace, to the comfort of your home.

Perspective. Perspective can and will make the difference in how your manage your emotions and your stress.

Be A Creative Thinker

 Why is it . . .

•     Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
• man evolved from monkeys, yet we still have monkeys?
• necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
  

"Good learning starts with questions, not answers," wrote Guy Claxton. And, I will add, sometimes it is the most outrageous questions that can jump start our thinking, get us looking at a problem in a new way.

Creative thinking calls into question the assumptions underlying our usual ways of thinking and acting.

Creative thinkers consider rejecting standardized formats for problem solving. They have an interest in a wide range of related and divergent fields. Creative thinkers take multiple perspectives on a problem and will use trial-and-error methods in their experimentation. When we step into new territories, tentativeness is normal.

Be a creative thinker. Pose new questions to yourself everyday, even outlandish ones like those above. Have a future orientation; have self-confidence and trust in your own judgment. Deepen your self-knowledge by exploring your inner strengths, your weaknesses, your skills, biases, expectations, and fears.

Examine the patterns, the habitudes that are holding you back, keeping you stuck in the 'same old, same old.' As Stephen Covey said, "Live out of your imagination, not your history."

My Mom, and a Life She Touched

 "Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones.
A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you."
~ Shannon L. Alder

A few years ago, I received the following e-mail via my website:

Dear Ms. Schiano:
I am writing you with the hopes that you are Rita Schiano, the daughter of my beloved piano teacher, mentor, and second mother Jane Marie Notarthomas Schiano of Syracuse, NY. I was on Route 20, heading to the Brimfield Fair when I saw your name on a sign. If it is indeed you, I would love to say hello. I moved to Boston 27 years ago and am a church organist, thanks to the inspiration and teaching of Jane.
                                        Sincerely, Bobby DeRegis

It took a few months to coordinate our schedules (and I must be honest and admit I let this fall through the cracks of time at one point). However, we found a few dates and decided that Westborough would be the logical, halfway meeting point.

Bobby suggested Friday, January 18, as he had an appointment in Westborough that day. Unfortunately, I had another commitment that afternoon.

I responded, "Perhaps the following Friday, 1/25 or 2/1? Actually, February 1 is the anniversary of my mom’s passing," I wrote. "Perhaps that might be a nice remembrance.”

Bobby responded, "I think February 1st might be a sign from above. Let's do it."

The last time I saw Bobby was in 1986, at my mom's funeral. He was seventeen years old. Now a man of fifty, I was so heartened by the extraordinary detail with which he remembered her.

"She saved me in so many ways. Helped me through difficult times and losses," he told me. "She gave me a love for music. And she had such deep faith."

Over the next few hours as we talked of her passionate, loving and giving soul, Bobby would pause often to wipe a few tears from his cheek.

In my office at home I have a framed newspaper article written about her many years ago. The columnist described Mom as a ". . . big, warm-hearted woman whose delicious sense of humor dances in her dark eyes. She is also a woman of deep religious faith revealed through her music."

In addition to teaching private piano and voice lessons, Mom was the organist and choir director at St. John the Baptist Church in Syracuse, NY. Although a Catholic, mom shared her rich, dramatic contralto voice in the quartet at the Temple Society of Concord worship services every Friday night.
And she was extremely proud of her special choral group, the Out of Sight Singers. "They may lack eyesight, but not voices, and I love every minute I work with them," she said.

Bobby is not the only person to reach out to me about my mom over the years. Numerous people have contacted me via Facebook and shared their memories of her. And like Bobby, many have gone on to study music in college and work as professional musicians and music teachers. And each and every one makes it a point to say, "I loved her."

I loved her, too. I was blessed to have her as my mom and mentor in life. The greatest lesson I learned from my mom is to be mindful of how my words and deeds affect the people I interact with each day. Be it a friend, colleague, cashier, attendant, someone I pass by in a store or on the street.

"See them," she’d say. "Look beyond appearances. Be grateful for the smallest act. And always show the world your true self."

Words to live by, indeed.

That 4-letter "F" Word . . .

Do you sometimes find yourself spewing that 4-letter "F" word?

No, not THAT one . . . I'm talking about that other 4-letter "F" word -- FEAR.

Fear is a distressing negative emotion brought on by a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism that triggers your 'fight or flight' response. Our fears, however, can often take on a life of their own and stop us dead in our tracks.

Rejection is an irrational fear that others will not accept us for who we are. Fear of rejection is one of those insidious, perceived threats that can hold you back, keep you from achieving your goals.

Fear of rejection pervades our minds, often rendering us incapable of doing or saying anything for fear of others' rejection, lack of acceptance, or disapproval.

Yes, there will be times in your life when you will face rejection. How will you handle rejection if it does happen?

To start, be prepared. Identify your limiting thoughts, such as...

• People dislike me
•  I am a failure
• I am not worthy of their approval

. . . and then dismiss them one by one. To do so effectively you need to build your self-esteem. And you build self-esteem by understanding your self-worth. So make this list instead . . .

• People like me because...
• I have been successful in...
• I am worthy of others' approval because...

Work on your self-worth list everyday by adding just one good trait about you. Remember my equation: Self-confidence + Self-worth = Self-esteem

Embrace joy, be mindful, live a flourishing life.
~ Rita

Under-performing Employees . . . Bad For Business

Did you know . . .

• Managers waste an average of 34 days per year dealing with under-performance. (Future Foundation)
• Costs of lost productivity easily reach 150% of the annual compensation.
• Average salary $35,000 per year; cost of turnover 150% of salary, is $52,500 per employee who leaves the company.
• The cost will be significantly higher (200% to 250%) for managerial and sales positions. (Bliss & Associates Inc.)
• The cost of hiring and training a new employee can vary from 25% to 200% of annual compensation. (American Management Association)

Employee Attitude Problems? I Can Help!

"Rita helped me identify areas of improvement and gave me guidance on how to develop better time management."

Most of us have been there . . . preparing a performance review for that employee who, on the one hand, is good at his/her job, but on the other hand, whose attitude causes undue disruption, lost time, and even the loss of good employees.
Managing staff comes with many challenges that can test even the most seasoned business professional. Difficult employees engage people in an emotional tug-of-war, which is stressful for the manager and employee alike. And the damage to office morale and overall productivity is great.

Strategic Coaching -- Right For Your Business

Employers and employees alike have discovered the added benefits of coaching:

• increased job satisfaction
• improved communication skills
• improved relationships

By providing individual coaching, you send a powerful message to your employees: Your progress is valued and encouraged.

• Coaching programs have been shown to increase employee retention and engagement, boost productivity, and overcome performance issues. (Zappos Insights)
• Companies that have used professional coaching for business reasons have seen a median return on their investment of 7 times their initial investment. (PricewaterhouseCoopers and Association Resource Centre Inc.)

"Rita is wonderful. She has a way of explaining things and guiding us to understanding by using real-life examples we can grasp."

How Strategic Coaching Works

1. We begin the process by examining the current conflict(s) to uncover long-standing attitudes and habits that influence their reactive behavior.

2. Armed with this insight, we develop strategies to manage the challenges that come their way.

"Rita taught me to awaken positive traits I see in myself or have exhibited in the past. This insight will help me manage current and future stressors."

Personal coaching can focus on one or more of these areas:

• Personal and professional development -- Focuses on helping you perform and execute better at work
• Health and wellness -- Breaking down the habits that serve you and the habits that don't, understanding stress and its effects on your health, building resilience skills and attitudes
• Interpersonal relationships -- Improving communication, conflict and emotional intelligence to enhance your relationship skills
• Work/life balance -- Establishing healthy boundaries between work and personal life
• Achieving success -- Developing the skills, mindsets and strategies needed to succeed and achieve their goals

Sessions held in person or via Doxy.me, Skype or Facetime

Sessions can be held at my office conveniently located at 511 Main St. in Sturbridge, or onsite at your business location. Sessions can also be held via Doxy.me, Skype or Facetime.

Don't Let Employee Difficulties Hurt Your Business

Contact Me Today!

Call Rita at 774-230-5670 or via e-mail: rita@ritaschiano.com to discuss how Strategic Coaching may be right for your organization.
About Rita: As a personal strategic coach, Rita helps clients focus specifically on their most important goals, interests, challenges, and needs, offering insight and assistance that guides them towards actionable, positive changes. Rita received her Strategic Intervention Coaching Certificate from Robbins-Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention.

Thoughts About Ambition, Achievement, and Fulfillment

A few weeks back a colleague said to me, "I admire how ambitious you are." Her words stopped me.

"Ambitious? You see me as ambitious?" I was puzzled. I never thought of myself in that way, so I had to ponder what she meant by that.

I turned to my internal dictionary and thesaurus -- the one my grandmother had drilled into me as a child by insisting that I learn the list of spelling bee words she tore out of the Sunday paper each week.

Ambitious: a go-getter, power-hungry, zealous. That's not me. Determined. Hmm. Determined. Now that is me. I am determined, purposeful, motivated, and an enthusiastic learner. I am an achiever.

This got me thinking about what is achievement? Achievement is the experience of accomplishment, of attaining the goals you set for yourself. While ambition is the chief driver of achievement, it seems to me they are variables in the equation that equals fulfillment.

Fulfillment is the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted; it is the feeling of satisfaction or happiness as a result of fully developing one's abilities or character. You may have all the success and money in the world, yet be internally bankrupt and feel that life has no meaning.

Fulfillment is accomplished by two things: continuous growth and continuous contribution beyond oneself. It comes from living a life of meaning, of significance. Achievement, however, is pleasure; achievement is of and in the moment.

In my studies in strategic intervention, I learned that the strongest drive in human beings is the "drive for fulfillment, and that all human beings share this need to experience a life of meaning and purpose" (Robbins-Madanes).

Fulfillment can only be achieved when we focus our lives on the need to grow continuously, and the need to contribute beyond ourselves in a meaningful way.

My desire to grow continuously and to contribute beyond myself in a meaningful way is fueled by an inner ambition to do so. Perhaps my colleague was right. I am ambitious.
~ Rita

Practicing Gratitude

Psychological research finds that people's happiness levels are remarkably stable over the long-term. A possible explanation comes from studies in the psychology of gratitude. Yes, you read that correctly -- being thankful just may be the secret to happiness.
The study* cited that people who were in the gratitude condition felt fully 25% happier -- they were more optimistic about the future, they felt better about their lives.

The words "gratitude" and "grace" share a common Latin origin, gratus, meaning "pleasing" or "thankful." When you are in a deep state of gratitude, you may feel the presence of grace. Reflect on this. As we become more mindful of the present moment, we begin to recognize the things around us that we may have taken for granted.

Learning to practice gratitude is one of life's most valuable lessons. As Aristotle taught us, all virtues have value and the virtue of gratitude helps to increase feelings of satisfaction with our lives and keeps us from falling into the excess of a greedy or entitled frame of mind.

There are many simple, yet powerful ways to practice gratitude on a daily basis.

• Thank, separately, both the cashier and the bagger at the grocery store.
• Send a hand-written thank you note when you receive a gift, however small.
• Make "thank you" a common phrase in your vocabulary.
• Keep a gratitude journal. Each night write 1-3 things for which you were grateful during the day.

And remember to live a gracious and flourishing life.
Rita

*Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389

An Unexpected Visit

"Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones.

A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you."

~ Shannon L. Alder

A few months ago, I received the following e-mail via my website:

Dear Ms. Schiano:

I am writing you with the hopes that you are Rita Schiano, the daughter of my beloved piano teacher, mentor, and second mother Jane Marie Notarthomas Schiano of Syracuse, NY. I was on Route 20, heading to the Brimfield Fair when I saw your name on a sign. If it is indeed you, I would love to say hello. I moved to Boston 27 years ago and am a church organist, thanks to the inspiration and teaching of Jane.

Sincerely, Bobby DeRegis

It took a few months to coordinate our schedules (and I must be honest and admit I let this fall through the cracks of time at one point). However, we found a few dates and decided that Westborough would be the logical, halfway meeting point.

Bobby suggested Friday, January 18, as he had an appointment in Westborough that day. Unfortunately, I had another commitment that afternoon.

I responded, "Perhaps the following Friday, 1/25 or 2/1? Actually, February 1 is the is the 33rd anniversary of my mom’s passing," I wrote. "Perhaps that might be a nice remembrance.”

Bobby responded, "I think February 1st might be a sign from above. Let's do it."

The last time I saw Bobby was in 1986, at my mom's funeral. He was seventeen years old. Now a man of fifty, I was so heartened by the extraordinary detail with which he remembered her.

"She saved me in so many ways. Helped me through difficult times and losses," he told me. "She gave me a love for music. And she had such deep faith."

Over the next few hours as we talked of her passionate, loving and giving soul, Bobby would pause often to wipe a few tears from his cheek.

In my office at home I have a framed newspaper article written about her many years ago. The columnist described Mom as a ". . . big, warm-hearted woman whose delicious sense of humor dances in her dark eyes. She is also a woman of deep religious faith revealed through her music."

In addition to teaching private piano and voice lessons, Mom was the organist and choir director at St. John the Baptist Church in Syracuse, NY. Although a Catholic, mom shared her rich, dramatic contralto voice in the quartet at the Temple Society of Concord worship services every Friday night.
And she was extremely proud of her special choral group, the Out of Sight Singers. "They may lack eyesight, but not voices, and I love every minute I work with them," she said.

Bobby is not the only person to reach out to me about my mom over the years. Numerous people have contacted me via Facebook and shared their memories of her. And like Bobby, many have gone on to study music in college and work as professional musicians and music teachers. And each and every one makes it a point to say, "I loved her."

I loved her, too. I was blessed to have her as my mom and mentor in life. The greatest lesson I learned from my mom is to be mindful of how my words and deeds affect the people I interact with each day. Be it a friend, colleague, cashier, attendant, someone I pass by in a store or on the street.

"See them," she’d say. "Look beyond appearances. Be grateful for the smallest act. And always show the world your true self."

Words to live by, indeed.

That Four-letter "F" Word

Do you sometimes find yourself spewing that 4-letter "F" word?

No, not THAT one . . . I'm talking about that other 4-letter "F" word -- FEAR.

Fear is a distressing negative emotion brought on by a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism that triggers your 'fight or flight' response. Our fears, however, can often take on a life of their own and stop us dead in our tracks.

Rejection is an irrational fear that others will not accept us for who we are. Fear of rejection is one of those insidious, perceived threats that can hold you back, keep you from achieving your goals. Fear of rejection pervades our minds, often rendering us incapable of doing or saying anything for fear of others' rejection, lack of acceptance, or disapproval. Yes, there will be times in your life when you will face rejection. How will you handle rejection if it does happen?

To start, be prepared. Identify your limiting thoughts, such as...

• People dislike me
• I am a failure
• I am not worthy of their approval

. . . and then dismiss them one by one.

To do so effectively you need to build your self-esteem. And you build self-esteem by understanding your self-worth.   So make this list instead . . .

• People like me because...
• I have been successful in...
• I am worthy of others' approval because...

Work on your self-worth list everyday by adding just one good trait about you. Remember my equation: 

Self-confidence + Self-worth = Self-esteem

Be A Creative Thinker

Why is it . . .

• Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
• man evolved from monkeys, yet we still have monkeys?
• necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

"Good learning starts with questions, not answers," wrote Guy Claxton. And, I will add, sometimes it is the most outrageous questions that can jump start our thinking, get us looking at a problem in a new way.

Creative thinking calls into question the assumptions underlying our usual ways of thinking and acting. 

Creative thinkers consider rejecting standardized formats for problem solving. They have an interest in a wide range of related and divergent fields. Creative thinkers take multiple perspectives on a problem and will use trial-and-error methods in their experimentation. When we step into new territories, tentativeness is normal.

Be a creative thinker. Pose new questions to yourself everyday, even outlandish ones like those above. Have a future orientation; have self-confidence and trust in your own judgment. Deepen your self-knowledge by exploring your inner strengths, your weaknesses, your skills, biases, expectations, and fears.

Examine the patterns, the habitudes that are holding you back, keeping you stuck in the 'same old, same old.' As Stephen Covey said, "Live out of your imagination, not your history."

What Will You Leave?

I love my birthday. I love celebrating my birthday. Sometimes I do so with friends; sometimes I prefer it be a simple and quiet affair. (There must, however, always be cake!) The joke in my household is that once the December holiday season ends, I begin the countdown to my birthday which, by the way, falls on the 110th day of the calendar year. (111 day if it is a leap year.)

Let me state clearly, I do not mind getting older. I embrace it, truly. And truth be told, there was only one birthday that caused me pause . . . the year I turned 48. And I know why, too. Up until that age, I always felt I could double my age and see myself as still living. 40 = 80; 42 = 84; 45 = 90; 47 = 94. But when I doubled 48 . . .96 years old . . . suddenly that seemed to me to be much less probable. For reasons unbeknownst to me, 95 years old was my cut-off point.

In 2017, I will be 62 years old. In thinking about this age, I am once again feeling unsettled. Certainly, 62 is way past my doubling formula, so that doesn't come into play. Something else, something larger seems to be nagging me. At first I thought it was because my mom was 62 when she passed on. But that wasn't it. Then I thought about the friends who have passed this year. Young, vibrant, with so many years ahead of them. I zeroed in on my friend Dorsie Kovacs who died in October. She was 64. Yes. This had something to do with Dorsie. But it wasn't about her young age, 64 years; it was what she had done with those years, with her life.

Dorsie was a veterinarian and owned the Monson Small Animal Clinic. There is so much I could tell you about her, but I'll let these words from her obituary suffice. "She was a special soul whose spirit inspired everyone she met. Possibly the most positive person ever, she always saw the silver lining in every storm cloud that passed her way. Her employees often referred to her as 'Pollyanna,' to me she was 'Perpetually, Pathologically (in a good way), Perky.' Passionate about her life's work as the local veterinarian, she provided care and comfort to pets and their people alike."

My nagging thoughts were not specifically about Dorsie; it was about what Dorie left behind, her legacy.

Legacy is what you create during your life, what you leave behind when you are gone. "The legacy we leave is part of the ongoing foundations of life," wrote Jim Rohn. "Those who came before leave us the world we live in. Those who will come after will have only what we leave them. We are stewards of this world, and we have a calling in our lives to leave it better than how we found it, even if it seems like such a small part."

Looking back on my own life, I could clearly recognize the legacy-leavers who guided me my way. Most notably were my mom and maternal grandmother who instilled in me a passion for learning, for language, for living a compassionate life. I thought, too, of a few former teachers who challenged me to question, to not simply be satisfied with seemingly easy answers to life's perplexities.

I will be 62 in 129 days from my writing of this article. And so I must ask myself: what kind of legacy will I leave? What will be my contribution, my imprint on the future? In my work I touch a lot of lives -- from students to business people. What message am I leaving? What am I demonstrating by my actions? These are the questions I intend to keep in the forefront of my mind for all the remaining days (of which I hope are many) of my life.

"Carve your name on hearts, not tombstones. A legacy is etched into the minds of others and the stories they share about you," wrote Shannon Alder. What will be your legacy?